Apocalypse Nigh!

So 2011 is officially over and we all have 365 days to "do better" than last year. Yes, it's a leap year, but I'm writing this a day late, so 365.

In the last year, I've overcome major surgery, moved across the country and even made my network television debut. I've got a lot to be proud about, but as we all know, life moves ever forward.

If there's one thing that I learned, it's that the world isn't nearly as critical of me as I thought it would be. Being on TV exposed me as a potential object of public ridicule, yet the response I have received has almost been solely positive.

Now it's time for me to continue to put myself or should I say, some of "my babies", out there. And Now, Maury Povich, I am NOT the father (in that way)

Here's to finding the inner force that drives you forward. I've you need a ride on the P-Train (and get R. Kelly out of your head) jump on board. See you on the flipside

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I'll Take Stupid Answers for... No, wait...

So I was really tanking Jeopardy yesterday. No, seriously. I must have gotten like 8 of the first 15 questions wrong. The sad thing? Almost every wrong answer was because of a second guess.

I also caught myself saying something I haven't said in a very long time. In response to a friend's Facebook post (because that's the only way people communicate nowadays), I said, "My life's pretty damn good right now."

Correlation? Well, I only can say that about my life because I finally made a decision that was 3-4 years in the making. It would have been made earlier, but I kept considering other possibilities.

Hindsight may be 20/20, and Barbara Walters may be downright ancient, but I think most people need to give a whole lot more credit to their first instinct.

After all, the human race as a species has only managed to survive by first doing what was intuitive and learning from the consequences positive or negative.

And if you think I'm waxing too philosophically and off my rocker, think about this. How much less brainpower would it take if we all took fewer options into consideration. We only use a small portion of our brains for a reason.

Two, actually: 1. Humans are dumb & 2. We don't have this mind-altering pill from "Limitless" yet (Gotta rent that)

So give your hamster a rest, put your gut to work and reap the benefits

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Ship it!

At some point I truly begin to question my sanity (i know none of you question my insanity). The point of the matter is that I have started to feel poker withdrawal.

And not the fun kind of withdrawal you make at a bank. We're talking about the blood-chilling, 48 hours without heroin, baby crawling on the ceiling type of withdrawal (Go see Trainspotting).

It's been almost 4 months since "Black Friday", i.e. the day that poker died, hit the US. Since then I have barely played a lick of poker. Thus, I'm rusty.

Some of you may know that I am currently working the poker beat. I'm lucky enough to be a part of the team that is putting together the Main Event episodes of the World Series of Poker. However, in the dark of night, while staring at my computer screen with nothing to do, I made a fatal mistake.

I decided to play poker, online, for play money.(Gasp!)

Long story short, it was a call-fest, everyone sucked, everyone sucked out, I folded a straight flush draw (god why!) and I was left like a fat kid who was promised cake and then given rice cakes.

Pissed. Hungry too, but mostly pissed.

Someone please give me a good reason why online poker should be illegal, while we can still gamble in casino and Granny can whittle away her food stamps playing bingo in church!

I hear crickets.

Finito. I'm tired of arguing

There are smart people in congress. There are also a lot of people who are horrible at games of skill. These people sadly seems to be one and the same. Seeing the Republicans, roll the democrats in debt ceiling negotiations was disgusting. Now our entire country will pay because why?

Because Republicans are better than Democrats at Poker! I mean lawmaking... no, I was right the first time. Poker, like chess, scrabble or monopoly, is a game of skill. You have to manipulate many factors in your favor in order to have the best opportunity to win and yes, occasionally luck will intervene.

Before I get more obtuse and incensed, I make a simple plea. Will Daniel Negreanu, Phil Ivey, Annie Duke, Phil Hellmuth, Doyle Brunson and the rest of the poker elite please take a break from poker to teach the Democrats how to "play Congress"? It would do wonders for this country and might speed up poker's legalization in the process. Thanks.

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Hard 8? Try Hard 17!

I am about to be tested. I have often said that Las Vegas is my favorite city in the world and that I could live there no problem. Some other people scoff at that idea saying they could never be in such an "active" city for more than a week

I will gloss over the full meaning of "Active" in order to protect the PG-13 readers of this blog.

Starting tomorrow, July 4th, I will be spending upwards of 17 straight days in Vegas. In fact, I will likely be in Vegas more than I will be in LA for the month of July.

For those of you thinking that this would be a great opportunity to steal my stuff, I remind you that I have a roommate who I just gave a "licence to kill".

The relevance of this post? (Why are you looking for relevance here) Simply, I am going to do my best to love my time out there without being a stereotypical tourist. That means I am going to try to maintain my fitness routine, stay connected to the matrix and accomplish work for 2 jobs.

If I survive this affair, I will report back. If not, please send an ambulance for me. I'll be the guy hanging from the ceiling of Coyote Ugly.

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Thnks fr th mmrs

> At Sliders awaiting friends... Rubber match, yanks-sox... Blogging and beer.
>
> The image? Fall Out Boy obsession aside (don't hate), I want to thank everyone for my time in CT over the past 6.5 years.
>
> It's been fun and sad and crazy and sexy and cool and fetch. I could run on and on until the break of dawn, but as I prepare to move to California, I can't help but think Of super Mario Bros. 3. (yes, a "The Wizard" reference)
>
> In that game, Mario learns to fly with a raccoon tail. WTF? some Japanese programmer was clearly smoking crack when the came up with that one. Nonetheless, no matter how many times Mario is told that his "princess is in another castle" he always finds a (creepy, likely pot-induced) way to succeed.
>
> That will be me in Los Angeles. I'm more of a Yoshi, but I won't be laying eggs. I will succeed out there despite the odds and I hope those of you who have enriched my life do the same.
>
> Just because I'm moving 2400 miles away (Jeebus that's far!) doesn't mean I'm out of the picture. Call, visit and in the mean time rock on with your bad self. Just don't think you can replace me, I promise he won't taste any sweeter.
>
> One more night, one more time...
>

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Just Plain Wrong: Disney Edition

I present to you, Mickey's Talkin' Bobbin' Characters (Poor Pluto...)



Apologies for all the ad balloons in the video. Then again, it's not my video. Deal with it.

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The Reverse Jigsaw

I consider myself an excellent puzzle solver. I rock the @wheeloffortune Twitter toss-ups (need to get back to playing those), whiz my way through crosswords (erase your dirty thoughts) and even complete the occasional (read: rare) jigsaw.

We're trained from a young age to be able to solve puzzles, but who is supposed to teach us how to take them apart?

In the philosophical waxing that my friends have become accustomed to, it seems stupid that we are taught to take risks, and that it's ok to make mistakes, but we are never really taught to fix them.

So instead of a world filled with accurately solved puzzles, we live in a world literally littered with mistakes. Katrina, BP, Japan's nuclear predicament, the list goes on.

For fear of reprisal, I'll refrain from irreverence, knowing he cries of "too soon" are always cocked and loaded in the mouths of the sensitive (again, erase your dirty mind) I just hope everyone has been provoked to think and consider the impact a "jigsaw reversal" (not a wrestling move or "Saw" movie) could have on their life.

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FrAILty

So, in 2 days I'll be a cripple. Ok, not quite. But after surgery (can't wait to
see how many people cuss me out for not mentioning this earlier...) I'll be
banned from physical activity for six weeks.

So to all of you bastards who enjoy poking fun at my physique, enjoy the flab.
And for those who encourage me, please contribute to my slim-fast fund.

There is a revelation here though beyond the usual, "why is my body betraying
me, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, WTF!" line of thought.

I never realized how serious/important fitness was/is to me. Now having it
ripped from me, honestly feels like a kick to the groin. Seriously, this is like
a top 5, maybe top 3 thing.

But alas life goes on. As a positive, I'm about to have an extra 8-10 hours a
week. Should I put it towards my poker game? Some game show pilots? Hamster
cloning?

If you've actually read this far, you definitely have a say, so throw in a
suggestion.

And the countdown begins. T-minus 48 hours until someone better get me a rascal
scooter!

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Wile E. Coyote vs. James Franco

Many of you hold The Oscars up on a pedestal. This is fitting considering the award technically does stand on a pedestal.

So when an inebriated, incapacitated James Franco decided to unceremoniously defecate on your annual ceremony of popular people, some of you took it hard.

Yet some people still defended James because while his performance on the Oscar broadcast wasn't top notch, his performance in 127 hours was moving and awe-inspiring.

Well, I'd like to refute that point with Exhibit A. I present Wile. E. Coyote in 127 Hours. Enjoy.

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Attention Nittany Lions: SILENCE!

I have never been a loudmouth. I let results speak for themselves. Again PSU fans, our men's basketball team is doing the unthinkable. A dose of reality will remind you that beating Ohio State now will be much easier, than plowing through a 68 team field.

In the 1% chance that we can raise some hell please don't jinx us by taunting those heathen buckeyes. Save calling them the red headed step children of the big ten until after the game. Just because they go to an inferior school is not a reason to belittle them prior to the fall. Their tears will only taste sweet after they drink the Gatorade.

Fear the lion. That is all.

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